Wednesday, December 5

Hey drunk friend, please stop talking!

Some time or another, we all meet a guy who we really like.  They are funny, enjoyable to be around, they might engage in gossip with you or talk shit about that person over there who you hate.  It’s like you finally have that gay best friend, minus the gay part. This is the beginning of beautiful friendship!  You know, those beautiful friendships between a guy and a girl always end so well.  Then there is the moment where this guy develops a crush on you and your glowing personality.

This just happened to me.  I have been playing dumb for weeks.  You know, I can tell you like me but I’ll pretend I don’t notice because I like where this friendship is going.  I mean I really like you as a friend, as a comrade, as an amigo (if you are Spanish speaking).  But I am not looking to jump face first into your pants, and I definitely do NOT want to go on a date with you.

All of this pretending was working out splendidly until last weekend.  When that one friend got a little too drunk and when that guy tells her that he likes me, that one friend drunkenly slurs, “YEAH, you should go for it! Make out with her!

I ran to hide in the bathroom.  

The next morning, too drunk friend proceeds to excitedly exclaim, “I think I told X that he should go for it, I totally made it worse didn’t I?”

The lesson to be learned here is to be a smart friend.  Make sure you know who your friends like.  That’s not too hard, right?  And if you know for a fact that your friend does not like this poor boy who she does really like as a FRIEND, don’t tell him the opposite, just because you are drunk and loving life.

So I will continue to play dumb, while my other friends pick up the pieces, making sure to tell him about that other boy I actually really do like.

And hopefully next weekend we will all just be really drunk again, because that solves everything, right?