Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…No Seriously

I know this title sounds like a cheesy New Year’s resolution, but hear me out. If you are like me, you may tend to read very deeply into the words and actions of the men you are seeing. Even when I actively try and avoid doing this, my mind tends to re-run the “highlight reel” of a previous date in my head for days to come until I am attaching an absurd significance to things – i.e. taking “What is your favorite band?” for “I am really interested in getting to know you as a person and want to know your life story and am not at all just fishing for another question to ask in order to avoid an unbearable awkward pause in conversation….” Not crazy. I promise.

But just as make-up artists will tell you to step back from the mirror to get a sense of how a look is coming together, we must also take a step back from the nitty-gritty details of our relationships in order to better understand what is going on from as objective a point-of-view as we can muster. Yes he may have laughed at your joke, and told you he saw something you said on Facebook. Hell, he may have even said he hopes to see you again. Unfortunately, actions always speak louder than words, and there are a few actions you should always bear in mind:

• Does he take you out on dates, or otherwise agree to meet you in a public setting?
• Does he remember things you mentioned on previous dates?
• Is he starting to recognize/pay attention to the things that are important to you?
• Does he offer to do something with/for you and *GASP* actually do it?

If the answer is no to most of these, you can spare me the caveats. It is time to look past the way he held your hand under the table at dinner. Only when you stop selling yourself short will you find a man who is capable of giving you everything you want and, more importantly, deserve. 

When meeting is cute…in an elevator

To continue this lovely series, let me share another real-life “meet cute” that I experienced recently.

I was on my way into work wearing a florescent orange pleated skirt. It was not my normal work outfit, but I had a swanky happy hour to attend later and needed to look as “trendy young urban professional” as possible. The men in my building stepped aside to let another lady and I enter the elevator in front of them (standard procedure for all Midwestern men, and one of the many reasons I love them so). It wasn't until the elevator started to ascend that I noticed a tall, dark and handsome figure standing in front of me.

Maybe it was the orange skirt, or Rihanna’s voice still blaring in my ears, but I was feeling bold. I continued to stare at the gentleman until he suddenly turned around. Rather than look away, I held my gaze and smiled. He quickly turned to face forward again, but seconds later he glanced back with a smile of his own….*BING* it was my floor. I stepped off, expecting never to see him again and with the odd sensation that I'd just been part of a real-life Crest commercial...

The day goes by as usual. Then around 4 p.m. I get an excited call from my adorable secretary –

“Hello?”
“Bonnie are you wearing an orange skirt today?”
“…Yes I am, why?”
“I thought so, come here you gotta see this”

I walk to the front desk feeling somewhat apprehensive at this point. Apparently, Elevator Man had just stopped by. He told our secretary that I (the girl in the orange skirt) dropped something on the elevator and he needed to return it to me. Turns out the item I “dropped” was a note from him saying: 

May I take you to lunch sometime? (phone number) –Guy from the elevator this morning.

So that's my story. I hope it encourages all of you to stay open to every possibility, SMILE and always remember: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6L-Fr0MK02k

Hey drunk friend, please stop talking!

Some time or another, we all meet a guy who we really like.  They are funny, enjoyable to be around, they might engage in gossip with you or talk shit about that person over there who you hate.  It’s like you finally have that gay best friend, minus the gay part. This is the beginning of beautiful friendship!  You know, those beautiful friendships between a guy and a girl always end so well.  Then there is the moment where this guy develops a crush on you and your glowing personality.

This just happened to me.  I have been playing dumb for weeks.  You know, I can tell you like me but I’ll pretend I don’t notice because I like where this friendship is going.  I mean I really like you as a friend, as a comrade, as an amigo (if you are Spanish speaking).  But I am not looking to jump face first into your pants, and I definitely do NOT want to go on a date with you.

All of this pretending was working out splendidly until last weekend.  When that one friend got a little too drunk and when that guy tells her that he likes me, that one friend drunkenly slurs, “YEAH, you should go for it! Make out with her!

I ran to hide in the bathroom.  

The next morning, too drunk friend proceeds to excitedly exclaim, “I think I told X that he should go for it, I totally made it worse didn’t I?”

The lesson to be learned here is to be a smart friend.  Make sure you know who your friends like.  That’s not too hard, right?  And if you know for a fact that your friend does not like this poor boy who she does really like as a FRIEND, don’t tell him the opposite, just because you are drunk and loving life.

So I will continue to play dumb, while my other friends pick up the pieces, making sure to tell him about that other boy I actually really do like.

And hopefully next weekend we will all just be really drunk again, because that solves everything, right?